Texts at Three in the Morning
by HidingFromTheSpotlight
Summary: Sherlock wants John's gun... but it isn't so he can shoot holes in the wall... NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER EIGHTEEN! It isn't porn but it is suggestive. And it's also crackish. You've been warned!


**This is what happens when I'm awake at 3 am reading fanfiction. I can't help but apologise. I found one and it was just so hilarious that it inspired me to write this... Well, hope you like it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Sherlock.**

**Warning: Contains inappropriate language and suggestive (okay, maybe a little more than suggestive) themes but nothing explicit to the point of it being nothing but porn (it isn't porn). If anything, it's crack.**

**Message Received: 3:04 am, 18/07/2012:** John, I want your gun. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:06am, 18/07/2012:** No. Sherlock, it's 3am. –JW

**Message Received: 3:07am, 18/07/2012:** Why not? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:10am, 18/07/2012:** Because I don't want you shooting holes in the wall at 3 in the MORNING! –JW

**Message Received: 3:11am, 18/07/2012: **I'm not going to shoot holes in the wall. I just want to suck on it ;) –SH

**Message Sent: 3:12am, 18/07/2012:** That emoticon worries me. –JW

**Message Sent: 3:12am, 18/07/2012:** Wait… you want to what? –JW

**Message Received: 3:13am, 18/07/2012:** I want to suck on your gun. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:14am, 18/07/2012:** Sherlock… you aren't going to do something dangerous, are you? – JW

**Message Received: 3:15am, 18/07/2012:** Only if you want it that way :D –SH

**Message Sent: 3:16am, 18/07/2012:** Why are you awake at 3am? –JW

**Message Received: 3:17am, 18/07/2012:** Because I want your gun. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:19am, 18/07/2012:** Are you high? –JW

**Message Received: 3:20am, 18/07/2012:** No… but one part of me is ;) –SH

**Message Sent: 3:22am, 18/07/2012:** Do you need me to take you to the hospital? –JW

**Message Received: 3:23am, 18/07/2012:** No. I do need my doctor though. Please give me your gun? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:24am, 18/07/2012:** You're using please now. I'm worried. –JW

**Message Received: 3:25am, 18/07/2012:** Then come check on me. –SH

**Message Received: 3:25am, 18/07/2012:** And bring your gun. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:26am, 18/07/2012:** I am not bringing my gun. –JW

**Message Received: 3:27am, 18/07/2012:** John… what is gun synonymous with? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:26am, 18/07/2012:** Firearm? –JW

**Message Received: 3:27am, 18/07/2012:** Slang-wise. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:28am, 18/07/2012:** Oh. –JW

**Message Sent: 3:28am, 18/07/2012:** Wow. –JW

**Message Received: 3:29am, 18/07/2012:** Now will you bring your gun? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:30am, 18/07/2012:** Sherlock, I'm not gay! –JW

**Message Received: 3:31am, 18/07/2012:** No, but you are bi –SH

**Message Sent: 3:32am, 18/07/2012:** No. –JW

**Message Received: 3:33am, 18/07/2012:** Please? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:34am, 18/07/2012:** No! –JW

**Message Received: 3:35am, 18/07/2012:** I promise not to bring another body and/or body parts into the flat for a week. –SH

**Message Sent: 3:36am, 18/07/2012:** Bargaining isn't going to change my preferences. –JW

**Message Received: 3:37am, 18/07/2012:** Two weeks? –SH

**Message Sent: 3:38am, 18/07/2012: **No. –JW

**Message Received: 3:39am, 18/07/2012:** But I need you! –SH

**Message Sent: 3:40am, 18/07/2012:** Goodnight Sherlock. Or good morning. Whichever.

**Message Received: 3:41am, 18/07/2012:** John? –SH

**Message Received: 3:43am, 18/07/2012:** John? –SH

…

**Message Received: 4:05am, 18/07/2012:** JOHN! –SH

**Message Received: 4:07am, 18/07/2012:** Come to my room. I need your opinion on something. –SH

…

**Message Sent: 5:45am, 18/07/2012:** What is it? –JW

**Message Received: 5:46am, 18/07/2012:** It's for an experiment. –SH

**Message Sent: 5:47am, 18/07/2012:** What sort of experiment? –JW

**Message Received: 5:48am, 18/07/2012:** An important one. –SH

…

**Message Received: 6:15am, 18/07/2012:** JOHN! Why did you run away? D: What did I do? –SH

**Message Sent: 6:17am, 18/07/2012:** YOU FUCKING TRIED TO JUMP ME! –JW

**Message Received: 6:18am, 18/07/2012:** I just wanted a cuddle –SH

**Message Received: 6:19am, 18/07/2012:** Please come back? –SH

**Message Sent: 6:23am, 18/07/2012:** No. Leave me alone. –JW

**Message Received: 6:24am, 18/07/2012:** But I love you! –SH

**Message Sent: 6:25am, 18/07/2012: **No you don't. –JW

**Message Received: 6:25am, 18/07/2012:** You're breaking my heart, John /3 –SH

**Message Sent: 6:26am, 18/07/2012:** I thought you didn't have one. –JW

**Message Received: 6:27am, 18/07/2012:** It only beats for you. –SH

**Message Sent: 6:28am, 18/07/2012:** Uh-huh. So Irene Adler was a heart attack? –JW

**Message Received: 6:29am, 18/07/2012:** My fascination with her was purely work-related. –SH

**Message Sent: 6:30am, 18/07/2012:** No it wasn't. –JW

**Message Received: 6:31am, 18/07/2012:** John! Why do you do this to me? I love you! –SH

**Message Sent: 6:32am, 18/07/2012: **WHY DO I FUCKING DO THIS TO YOU? LOOK WHO'S FUCKING TALKING MR FUCKING "ALL-THAT-MATTERS-TO-ME-IS-THE-WORK!" –JW

**Message Received: 6:33am, 18/07/2012:** John, please… I said that before I was sure of my feelings. I really do love you. –SH

**Message Sent: 6:34am, 18/07/2012:** Sherlock… -JW

**Message Received: 6:35am, 18/07/2012:** Please come home. I need a hug. –SH

**Message Sent: 6:36am, 18/07/2012:** Alright. –JW

**Message Received: 6:37am, 18/07/2012:** Yay! :D –SH

**Message Received: 6:38am, 18/07/2012:** P.S. I still want your gun ;D –SH

**Message Sent: 6:39am, 18/07/2012:** Oh god… -JW

**Message Received: 6:40am, 18/07/2012:** I'll do anything for you John –SH

**Message Sent: 6:41am, 18/07/2012:** Anything? –JW

**Message Received: 6:42am, 18/07/2012:** Anything. –SH

**Message Sent: 6:43am, 18/07/2012:** I'll be back in 5. –JW

**Message Received: 6:44am, 18/07/2012:** Hurry. –SH


End file.
